Mommy of Three Confessions

I have a confession to make.  Several in fact. 

I've been told I have it very together for a new mommy of three. Alone later, I laughed so hard I almost cried.  I am guilty!  Guilty of focusing on the happy moments and blessings and not sharing all my mistakes and lessons learned or fears.  I typically think of the glass as half full.  I like my rosy glasses.  But girl, please listen as I confess to you the whole picture:

(1) I am a mommy to one, two, three amazing kiddos... and yes, I have to stop and count them sometimes to make sure I didn't lose one when we are out playing. 

The one thing in my favor, one of them can't crawl, walk or run yet.  I have even found myself consoling myself in case I lose one by stating odds like if I lose one I still have a 66% success rate.  Nice!

(2) Easily distracted doesn't even begin to cover it. 

My thoughts get derailed so easily these days I question how much brain power I really have left after three kids.  I was on my way to the bathroom, only to find myself making a snack for one, then reading a book for another, then making a bottle.  Wait, did I remember to pee yet?  If I can't remember that, should I be left alone with little children?

(3) I don't like to cook. 

I hate it.  Yet I am a part-time stay at home mom.  That means I should be domesticated... or something.  At least that's what my brain tells me every time I manage to avoid cooking dinner for our family.   Sometimes I get a whim to get on pinterest and go crazy.  Those dinners usually end in my kids having a sandwich and my husband politely eating as little as much without hurting feelings and then snacking on a frozen pizza later.  Reason #5 of why I sometimes hate pinterest (and Martha Stewart).

(4) I use bribery in daily conflicts with my children. 

Oh yes - I hear your gasps!  It really started after Baby K's arrival.  I could chalk it up to exhaustion or blame laziness, you decide.  I have a grand example to share with you:

The first notable time was during maternity leave. I would take Baby K and AJ and go pick up KK from kindergarten.  It is summer, it is Texas.  Thus it is hot.  So we get into the car line to wait for the bell that releases the children into a mass exodus of crazy at 3 p.m. each day.  It never fails.. despite my best planning efforts we would arrive super early on the days AJ had preschool.  I would waste part of our hour wait at his school talking to teachers, getting him a snack and asking the all important potty question.  If you aren't sure what that is, let me share "Do you have to go potty AJ?  Are you sure?  Close your eyes, feel anything?".  Why do you ask would I hammer the poor kid about this?  Keep reading.  On this fine day we managed to waste a whooping ten minutes.  So in the car line we went, no point in waking baby K up and going home only to return to school 20 minutes later.  It had been a long day that day, I was kind of enjoying the quiet time staring into space and maybe just maybe napping with my eyes open when I heard a little voice demand suddenly

AJ: "Mommy!  I  H A V E  T O  P O O P!" 
Me: What?  Now?  This moment?  What happened to "I don't feel it" back at school buddy?
AJ (frantic):  NOW MOMMY!

So I look around.  We are surrounded by cars, other mothers and fathers who got here early...  I look in the backseat, baby K is sleeping finally.  There is no way to leave and no way I am going to unbuckle all three of us and make a dash to the bathrooms inside the school.  I am #3 in line and there is no way we would get back before the bell rings.  I considered panicking... then my McGyver genes kicked in.  (If you don't know who that is, please stop reading this blog.  You are too young to understand any of my mommy confessions anyway. - Teasing, keep reading.  You just might not laugh as much as I would).

I look in the center console.  CDs, old gum, pencil with no lead, pen, coupons that expired two years ago.  Another idea strikes.  I look in the glove compartment. SCORE!  I found a pullup.  Now the tricky part.  How do I get said pullup on my little guy.  AJ has been potty trained for months now and is very proud of it.  "Diapers are for babies" is something we hear all the time when changing baby K. So how do I work some Mommy magic and make this happen?  I spy a dollar bill in my purse.  I never have cash... It is like it all fell into place.... and without even thinking about how wrong it was I find myself cheerily saying "AJ, will you poop in this pullup for a dollar?".  Oh yeah... I bribed him.  AND IT WORKED!  Not a shining mommy moment, but I was pretty proud of pulling that out of my hat on the spot.

(5) I also use bribery is less panicky moments. 

Just last week I gave my kids 50 cents to brush their teeth so we could get out the door to school on time.  I admit it.  And I felt no shame.. until we walked into AJ's classroom and he announced to the teacher he got 50 bucks for brushing his teeth.  I mean really, at this point I shouldn't have been surprised!  This is where I kind of hope the teachers still think the kids are making up stories or confused because they are so young... here's hoping!

(6) Another confession, I have moments in which I question if I should be allowed to operate heavy machinery.

I have locked myself in the backseat of my car with my children next to me.  I blame this kindergarten car pickup line.  Here goes that story:

I again found myself there early with AJ and Baby K.  Except this time baby K wanted her bottle.  We had time, so I thought it would be easier to get out and go sit in the backseat and feed her while we wait for the bell.  I leave the car running, its still hot out.  AJ is sitting next to us playing quietly and maybe (just maybe) I start to tell myself how I have got this 3 kids thing figured out.  I burp the baby and put her sweet sleepy self back into her seat and buckle her.  The bell is going to ring in a few minutes and we are golden.... that is... until I reach for the door and remember something.  We have child locks on the back doors.  I.am.stuck.  I picture the teachers coming out and everyone seeing me stuck in the backseat and the shame of it all.  Not today!  I need another McGyver idea.

I can't go out the door... I look around, everyone around me has their heads down and are playing on their phones.  Technology you rock.  I will crawl to the front.  But how, our backseat has three carseats across and the baby's huge carrier is blocking the center opening to the front seats.  I can do this I tell myself.  I got a Masters degree... I am smart (I ignore the little person in my head pointing out a smarter person would remember the back doors have child locks, this isn't the time for that).  I get AJ to lay on the floor, I move the babies seat over onto his carseat and then I say a quick prayer.  As I am about to launch myself into the front seat with my "just had baby number 3" body and I fear I won't fit.  One deep breath and I go for it.....

It wasn't as graceful as it was in my head.  I apologize to anyone behind me who looked up to watch what happened.  I managed to get most of me into the front.  One of my legs decided to go AWOL on me and stayed behind just enough before giving in that my derriere was sticking out in midair for the longest moments of my life before I was launched into the dashboard and steering wheel.  I quickly assume the standard driving position.  I grab the wheel and I look out my door and rear mirror.  I think I made it through that without anyone noticing.  I start to feel all smart again.  Then I look out my passenger door and see my neighbor wiping tears from her eyes in laughter.  Darn it. 

(7) I give horrible advice.

I have given my children horrible advice in my efforts to relate to them and show them how I went to school too while driving home a lesson I was trying to teach. 

This mostly affects KK as she started real school this year.  She had a cold last week at school and kept coming home with a yucky nose.  I had been explaining to her how she needs to blow her nose and get tissues throughout the day when she is sick.  But every day she came out and told me she forgot.  I had a brilliant idea one evening while cleaning up dinner - I will share with her a kindergarten memory to drive home my point about her wiping her nose with tissues during school.  It went like this:

Me: "KK, I remember when I went to school, there was this boy named Robert. 
KK: In complete attention and absorbing my every word.  How can I lose?...
Me: "He never ever wiped his nose and he looked so yucky.  All us kids thought it was really gross.  So gross in fact, we called him Robert Snobert"...

Oh crap - did I just teach her how to make fun on someone else?  I hear my husband start laughing really loudly in the living room and then yell out "this is great advice hon".  Darn, now I have a witness to this mess.  What will I do?  I search my brain for a way out and then KK pipes up:

KK: "Was that his last name?"
Me: please God don't strike me down "Why YES it was KK!"

This taught me to never ever try to prove my point with memories from my childhood...  at least not until this baby brain fog wears off (if it ever will).


(8) Sometimes I look the other way.

There are days in which I pretend not to see when my middle child sneaks an oreo.  He is horrible at hiding the evidence.  But sometimes I don't feel like getting up in the middle of feeding the baby to reprimand him or move the oreos to higher ground.  In fact, last week I asked him to bring me one too.  If you can't beat them, join them!


(9) There are days where I have to ask myself "When was the last time the baby had a bath?". 

Yup.  I said that out loud.  It is easy enough to remember to bathe the older kids.  They stink.  I mean that in a "I-love-how-they-smell-like-dirt-and-outdoors-because-they-are-my-kids-way".  But what about baby K?  She gets a lot of wipe downs daily due to spitting up, but full on baths in the tub... yeah sometimes I have to ask what day it is and sometimes I even have to ask my hubby.  (Thanks ABL for your awesome post about mommy-hood... I didn't even realize I do this until then)! 

(10) I have a maid to keep the house clean, and still we have days in which you cannot find the floor or a clean plate. 

Let me preface: I totally believe that my house should be cleaned by myself despite having three kids and little-to-no-sleep thanks to baby K.  Why do I believe this?  Because every friend's house I visit is super clean.  I ignore that voice that points out that their kids are much older, that they don't have a newborn, that they don't have a part time job... I am a part time stay at home mommy.  I should be domesticated, right?  My house should be clean, right?  But who has the time and energy?  I sure don't.  And I even though I have someone who does the scrubbing twice a month, still the dust returns, the laundry piles up very high.  Luckily, I am surrounded by sweet friends who struggle with this too (so take that Martha Stewart)! 

(11) I still have no pictures of sweet baby K in the house. 

Oh I took them.  I take them daily.  They are safe on our laptop.  Print them you say?  That would require an ounce of effort that I cannot seem to remember to do.  I have great intentions.  "I will order some prints tonight after the kids go to bed".  Go back to #2 about being easily distracted.  My hope is that by the time she is old enough to comprehend the pictures around the house, she will be in there.  I think I got a year... maybe two if I am lucky.

(12) There are days where I just want to drive and listen to the radio.

Yes I care about their day at school.  Yes I want to hear every last detail about what was learned, who we played with, what we thought about the books we read or the toys we played with... I even want to hear if poor Taylor got put in time out again at school.  But somedays I am just so very tired.  And somedays I just want to drive home in silence or to some tunes on the radio.  I know - worst.mommy.ever right?  I will miss these days one day, I tell myself.  I will regret not wanting to spend every moment of the way home asking them questions about their day or doing non-stop knock-knock jokes that don't make sense.  But there are days where I do it and wonder if I can force the laugh that is required from me when the knock knock joke line comes.  And then I hate myself for feeling like that.

(13) Sometimes we come home from school and just WATCH TV.

GASP!  How dare I! I am ruining their brains, their imaginations.  Don't get me wrong, we do lots of fun crafts.  We have playdates with friends, go to the park, play in the backyard.  But there is usually one day each week in which all I can manage to do is turn on the TV before collasping into the rocking chair with baby K and taking a power nap. 


Any other confessions that I can think of? 

I never ever take out the trash - it's just gross and smells.

I hate pumping my own gas in my car and sometimes even forget how sweet my hubby is and get a little irritated when I have to pump it myself once in a blue moon (how dare he, right?).

I will sometimes kick my hubby and tell him it is his turn to repond to whichever child has yelled out in the night... when really sometimes it is my turn.  I know I take more of those requests in the long run, but I do have a bit of guilt of using his deep sleep to my advantage on nights where I don't want to get up one.more.time.

I have made yummy home-cooked three course meals for friends who have had babies or gone through a hard time, while making my family eat sandwiches or cereal for dinner that night.  Oh this one really gets me.  Why did I putter out?  Shouldn't I feed them with the same love and care?  Am I really showing them how to be there for others in the right way?  Don't get me started on this one - I am working on it.

I am sure there are a million more.  So please, don't ever use the words "perfect" or "together" on me.  I am a work in progress.  I am learning daily from my mistakes.  I would love to learn how to mother to my kids with less mistakes, but I am not there yet.  God gave me these three little blessings, I just need to keep relying on Him to get me through this calling of motherhood.  Through grace and mercy!  I need to ease up on myself a little ~ and I hope this post helps other mommies realize the same thing. 

Sorry Martha, it is time for you to go!

Sweet dreams everyone!